do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
