OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
