What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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