:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have so many feelings about this burrito
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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