Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
