The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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