Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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