Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
