i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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