I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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