Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
