Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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