So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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