DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
