You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
