Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
