i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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