i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
