so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
