Non-Jews are for practice
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
