I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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