I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
