dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Even the bartender felt bad for me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
