I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize