how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
