so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
