Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize