It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do vagina's smell?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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