I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I pour the whiskey from now on
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
