Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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