She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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