I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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