sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
