I like to think it a success when the cops are called
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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