2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
