evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
