i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
