Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
