"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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