I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
