Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
