Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She needs sedatives and a leash
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
