She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
