So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
