when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
