I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
