Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
