we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
