You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
