Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
