She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize