so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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