Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
