Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
