I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
