my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
