did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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