THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
