I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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