dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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