I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
