I need to stop coming to work sober
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize