This girl is more easily done than said...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need to sanitize my soul.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
