dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
