you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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