I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
