White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
