and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
