He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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