I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
