When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
