I cannot find my penis.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize