I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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