Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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