'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
