You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
