I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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