She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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