my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
wow bdsm is so cute
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize