Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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