Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
