I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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