so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
