OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
