I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
