im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
