Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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