I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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