I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize