I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
