Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize