is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
