So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
