Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
