it was like his penis was on wheels.
this boner is exhausting
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
