Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
