I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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