Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
