Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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