Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
