My balls are so social today.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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