I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
