Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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