just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
