I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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