Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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