Christians are straight up FREAKS
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
