well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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