hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
