God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she told me i tasted like america
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
