and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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