She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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