The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
